The Briarwood Diaries - Return to Briarwood

The Briarwood Diaries 

Briarwood

I found the diary in a decaying tower in the sunken City. The strange black book was damaged by both fire and a green fungus that emitted tiny spores. Within the manuscripts were ridiculous stories of Herr Blackwand (a perverted egomaniac) and his companions; a delusional IBS sufferer believing himself to be a King, a psychotic gnome milkophile, and a pair of delinquent half-orc twins created in a laboratory.   Mildly amused by the outlandish antics, I read until I noticed a green stain on my hands.  Immediately I cast the grubby book into the small campfire I had lit and returned home.  The next day, at breakfast, my wife presented me with Blackwands book. She said she had found it in her dresser and asked me what I had been doing rummaging around her small clothes. Her hands had the strange green stain as mine still had. That day I tried to be rid of the book several times, but it kept reappearing. As the days passed, the infection from the green spores spread until my skin was a sickly green, as were my wife and children’s. I resolved to seek out occult knowledge to deal with the curse.  I am to meet a witch at the edge of the swamp. She assures me the book, and Blackwands crimes against the written word will be destroyed forever.

Common Year 597, Fireseek, Moonday

Endlich! Our motley crew has recovered the mission objective, the frost staff after one helluva tussle with a giant beholder.  They resemble an enormous levitating orc bollock complete with scabby under carriage and tentacles (I must remember to stay out of the gaze of its central anti-magic eye). The half-orcs twins got lost in a teleportation maze for a while, but even they managed to figure out how to escape. We leave the unterseeisch ziggurat by one of Turbos' fabulous teleportation stones. A marvelous method of transport, after a whoosh, a zap, a fizzle, and the obligatory disembodiment experience, we arrive directly in the very place we embarked upon the quest (which seems like such a long time ago).   

Tancred & the Beholder

Return to Briarwood.

The Mithril Claw of Briarwood. The management here is terrible, but it is a welcome change of scenery after the inside of a hessian sack, let me tell you. The master’s servant, a half-elf minion, was waiting for us. He asked us to attend his master the next evening at Briarwoods most exclusive restaurant, The Double Rose. Tancred, Blimp, and most unexpectedly Doglock all rushed off to get new clothes (could it be he is tired of his leopard-skin pant hat?) while Cleaver ran a scam at ye olde magic shoppe and we picked up some potions to go from the McPotion’s. We retired early as Tancred’s IBS was playing up.

The Mithril Claw

The next day we had some time to kill, so we took Doglock to the newly opened Zoo. However, Marshalls Marvelous Menagerie had run into a problem when the Menagerie murderously ran a muck at the grand opening. We found the owner's son, little Timmy crying at the entrance. His father, the owner of the Zoo, was still within. In an unusually charitable mood, we offer to find little Timmy’s missing parent. Tancred’s IBS improved he and Doglock played with many of the critters in the Zoo, but the killer dolphins are just wrong, they clash with the rest of the menagerie and are a real let down. Things picked up when we BBQ a Bullywug family, but the real sting in the tail was not, in fact, the manticore (hahahaha) but whatever was pretending to be Marshal, the Zoo owner. We found what we thought was him locked inside a cage to protect himself from the monsters. At the time, we all wanted to believe it was him because he was delighted to hand the deeds of the Zoo over to us. A detail I overlook as the underground lair is the perfect Pied de Terre. Just as soon as we have gotten rid of those ridiculous killer dolphins, I intend to direct the decoration of the lair myself.  I was so engrossed with plans that I hardly notice little Timmy saying that his father smelled funny. 

Blimp is such a fantastic conversationalist; we always share the same ideas. We are going to call our little home from home the Laughing Beholder after one of his japes and it just so happens, we have just the adornment for the porch.

Downtown Briarwood 

Interview with Herr Wolfman. 

On our way to the rendezvous with Mr. Mysterious we pass the Zoo; a large crowd has gathered in the street around (Oh dear) little Timmy’s body. He was right about his dad smelling funny. Talking about smelling funny, Tancred stays at home because his IBS is playing up again, he really should lay off the dairy and fried food. 

The mysterious master is actually one Herr Gert Wolfman, no longer so mysterious ja!  And Herr Wolfman certainly has expensive tastes, but his sticky fingers and controlling conditions belay the bourgeoisie mentality of a petty merchant. The Double Rose is adequate and pretentious, but that is unsurprising for a small city with such little choice. Ian, the waiter, looks after us in a fashion but prevents any real flamboyance (mental note to introduce Ian to Boobie on my next visit). Doglock made some new friends, he is flourishing as a debutante in society.  I think he might be coming out of the Iron Maiden if you catch my drift. 

Herr Wolfman has spiky white hair and glasses; he looks like a wizard trying to be a gangster, very small town. But we do like his deep pockets. Wolfy (as I call him) an wants us to acquire the Earth Cults talisman, a sacred Warhammer. He tells us that it is currently with a heavily guarded caravan coming west through the mountains from Highport. Thankfully he makes his excuses and leaves after giving us new instructions. Leaving the rest of the night to ourselves. I make friends with Michelle from the Citadel and three of her charming friends, we have a great night, the enlarge spell is a very popular. party piece.  

Deadmans Pass

The first thing the next morning, we (apart from Tancred who can’t leave the en suite) take a trip to the bank to deposit our ill-gotten gains and case the joint.

The Turbo stones teleport us to Deadman’s Pass. We arrive at the Swinging Sword Inn high in a mountain pass via the chicken coup. The Inn is busy, there are lots of comers and goers. Tancred has made a magnificent recovery, and now full of zip tells everyone he meets that we are here to ambush a caravan. Cleaver, more practical hires a Goliath Barbarian as extra muscle. Doglock tries trick the wrong group caravan gaurds going the other way.  Charm magic works a treat, and the innkeeper spills his guts, giving us the drop on an extremely high level of local security. Discretion being the better part of valour we decide to stick with the original plan and set up an ambush at Deadman’s Pass. Ambush site acquired Tancred returns to the Inn. It is the IBS again; he doesn’t like to commune with nature if you know what I mean. He makes up some bullshit about the need to purchase a horse for an extortionate amount of gold from the merchant Doglock utterly confused. 

Heavily Guarded Earth Cult Caravan

The ambush goes off with a bang! Doglock springs from hiding, hobbling the caravan just as a tremendous green fireball immolates the vanguard. In moments Blimp and Cleaver are hammering into the guards with a deadly hail of arrows. The crossfire is lethal. Tancred arrives fashionably late, his expensive old nag dies immediately, so he kills an enemy rider and takes his horse. Why didn’t he stay with us and do that in the first place instead of the elaborate scheme to purchase and very expensive nag I wonder?  The battle continues long enough for me to introduce my Hound of Ill Omen, the ever so cute Boobie to some Earth Cult Monks and for a colossal magic Warhammer wielding earth elemental to emerge from inside the carriage.  Tankred and Doglock are ‘marked’ by the Earth Cults magic and it is Blimp who has the last laugh when he downs the Elemental wreathed in Faerie Fire.  Smoking carcasses litter the road. Deadman’s Pass indeed.

Boobie, who's a good boy